From an undated Psyche article, accessed 1 January 2022

This longish article delves into dealing with and controlling ourselves with unhelpful responses to stress and similar triggers.
No, the strong and sometimes destructive emotions will not go away with skills presented in the article. But they can be managed through core mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation and interpersonal effectiveness skills.

I'm bookmarking this article for future reference!

Here is the author's summary

Key points – How to calm your inner sto

  • Emotions serve a purpose: they motivate action; they provide us with information about situations; and they communicate to others (even if we don't necessarily want them to!)
  • Emotions are never 'right or wrong'; what might be accurate or inaccurate are our interpretations.
  • Trouble arises when emotions become overwhelming and we can't manage them in healthy, effective ways; this process is known as emotion dysregulation.
  • One of the first steps in regulating emotions is being able to accurately put a label on your emotion ('name it to tame it'). This helps to increase your awareness of how you experience your emotions so you get to know
  • Self-validation, or accepting your emotions, is soothing, and prevents extra emotional pain from arising.
  • Sometimes you need to calm down your body a bit before you get re-regulated. Doing a forward bend or paced breathing (counting your exhale so it's longer than your inhale) are great ways to get your emotions a little quieter so you can figure out what to do next.
  • To reduce the intensity of an emotion, 'acting opposite' to what the emotion tells us to do – literally doing the reverse of what we feel compelled to do – can help.

The article concludes with links and books

  • Elaine Aron is an American psychotherapist and author who developed the concept of the highly sensitive person; she has a great website that outlines this concept and provides details of her research. She has also authored a number of books, including The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You (1996) and The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping Our Children Thrive When the World Overwhelms Them (2002).
  • The American psychiatrist and DBT expert Charlie Swenson has a wonderful podcast, To Hell and Back, that brings his sense of humour to teach about DBT skills in an accessible and understandable way – sometimes sharing his own personal experiences and sometimes interviewing others.
  • DBT Self Help is a website hosted by individuals who have gone through DBT themselves. There are lots of great resources on this site, including video transcripts and exercises, to help people learn to use DBT skills to regulate emotions.
  • Remember, naming emotions is important in order to manage them more effectively; you might want to check out this 'Ultimate List of Emotions' to help you name your emotions accurately. It's from the self-improvement site Live Bold and Bloom, run by the American life coach Barrie Davenport.
  • I wrote the book Calming the Emotional Storm: Using Dialectical Behaviour Therapy Skills to Manage Your Emotions and Balance Your Life (2012), which teaches DBT skills for adults who struggle with general emotion dysregulation problems. Meanwhile, young people might be interested in my book Don't Let Your Emotions Run Your Life for Teens: Dialectical Behavioural Therapy Skills for Helping You Manage Mood Swings, Control Angry Outbursts, and Get Along with Others (2011).
  • New Harbinger Publications has a series of DBT workbooks by American psychologists addressing different diagnoses and problems, including PTSD by Kirby Reutter; anger by Alexander L Chapman and Kim L Gratz; anxiety by Chapman, Gratz and Matthew T Tull; bulimia by Ellen Astrachan-Fletcher and Michael Maslar; and my own workbook for bipolar disorder.

Sheri Van Dijkis a psychotherapist, author and international speaker. Her books include Calming the Emotional Storm (2012) and Don't Let Your Emotions Run Your Life For Teens (2011).

She has 14 years' experience working in an outpatient mental health clinic in a community hospital, and now works full-time at her private practice in Newmarket, Ontario.


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